Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
