How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
