So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
