Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
