i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
