I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
