I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
