So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
it's like iHOP with fire
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
