come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
