I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
