When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
