Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
