so that wasnt chicken after all
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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