Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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