I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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