You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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