ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
