i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
