shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
