I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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