I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
he fucked my hip out of place.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
