id be glad to
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
