the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
