RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
