if you like me you must not know who I am
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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