90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
