Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
