my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
