and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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