a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
This house was built for laser tag.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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