I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
