I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
