You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
