If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
