Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
