That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Randomize
