He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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