Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
