i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
