she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
