I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
