It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
