What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
