We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
