Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
