Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
