The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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