the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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