Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
