It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
