Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
this just has baby written all over it
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
