from now on my penis is your penis
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
