Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
