I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
