you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
