I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
