One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
