Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
