hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
