he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
