I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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