My hand turned me down
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
