my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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