"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
