fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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