Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
even my farts smell like vagina
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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